Does this sound familiar?
Infidelity rarely hits both people in a relationship at the same time, or the same way. You might recognise your situation in one of these:
-
You've just found out, or found out a while ago, and you're consumed by questions you can't put down. What else wasn't true? Can you trust your own judgement about this relationship, or anything in it?
-
You're the partner involved in infidelity - whether that was an emotional affair, physical intimacy without your partner's knowledge/consent, or a different scenario that's left your partner feeling deeply betrayed.
The guilt doesn't lift, and every answer you give either isn't enough or reopens the wound. You're walking on eggshells in your own home, unsure what will set off the next argument.
-
You're stuck in a cycle: one of you pressing for more answers, the other shutting down or withdrawing, and it always ends the same way, with both of you exhausted and further apart.
-
You don't know yet whether you want to stay together, and you're worried that coming to counselling means you've already decided.
-
You have children, and you're trying to work out what they need to know, and how much, without making things worse.
Coming to counselling doesn't mean the relationship is over. It also doesn't mean you've decided to stay.
This is about getting support to work out what's actually true, and what you both want to do about it.
How counselling helps
I don't focus on assigning blame, or working out who was "more wrong." That framing rarely helps anyone move forward. Instead, we work to:
-
Slow down the cycle of interrogation and shutdown, so conversations about what happened stop ending in the same place every time.
-
Rebuild a sense of safety in your own judgement, if you're the partner who was betrayed.
-
Find a way to take responsibility that doesn't collapse into constant self-punishment, if you're the partner who had the affair.
-
Get clear on what trust, and forgiveness, would actually look like for you, rather than what you feel you're supposed to want.
-
Understand what the infidelity meant, not just why it happened, for both of you individually and for the relationship.
You can come individually or as a couple. Sometimes it helps to explore your own experience on your own first, especially in the early stages when emotions are running high, before bringing things into joint sessions.
My background
Relate trained relationship counsellor
Accredited by National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society
LGBTQ+ affirming & kink-aware
FAQs
Will I be judged, or will you take sides?
No. It's a common worry, on both sides, that the betrayed partner will automatically be supported and the partner who had the affair automatically blamed. My role isn't to hand out verdicts. It's to help you both understand what's happened and what you want to do next.
What if we don't know whether we want to stay together?
That's a completely normal place to start. Many couples come to counselling to work out whether the relationship has a future, not because they've already decided it does.
Do we have to come together, or can we do this separately?
Either works. Some people start on their own before bringing their partner in; others come straight into joint sessions. Read more here about what a first session with me looks like.
What if my partner won't come to counselling?
Come on your own. Working through your own experience, on your own terms, can shift the dynamic between you, even before your partner is ready to join.
Is this confidential?
Yes. What's said in session stays there, with very limited legal exceptions I'll explain clearly before we begin. Counselling sessions can also be arranged online if being seen locally is a concern.
Do you support same-sex & queer couples?
Absolutely, I'm fully inclusive in my work no matter your sexual and/or gender orientation. You are safe here.
Ready to talk?
I offer sessions at the Greenhouse in Digbeth, a short walk from the city centre, with evening and weekend availability. Or, I'm happy to see you online if that works better.
Sessions are 60 minutes: £60 individual, £90 couples.
​
Book a free 30-minute consultation using the button below and we'll figure out if it's a good fit to work together. If we are, the next step is arranging your first session.