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It’s 2021. A crisp, late afternoon in the middle of August. We’re having a decent summer. There are people and their pets strolling through the park. And there I am, sitting on the grass in the shade, listening to the ring ring of a suicide helpline. Hold on. Wait. How did I get here? A man about to hit 30, with a world of expectation he placed on his own shoulders, and no idea how to make any of it a reality. I followed the path of education laid out before me and left univ

The first time I sought personal therapy, I went onto Counselling Directory and started scrolling. I wasn’t too sure what I should be looking for.  A friendly face?  Tons of qualifications?  At some point, I sighed, logged off and thought ‘look, you’ve gotta work this out yourself’. Except all the trying in the world was getting me nowhere - if anything, I was digging myself a deeper, darker hole. Questions & platitudes that held me back from making a decision. What would I

Maybe your partner pursued a connection in a way that went beyond what you'd discussed, and you only found out because something didn't add up. Maybe a safer sex agreement was quietly abandoned. Perhaps date nights that were supposed to be protected keep getting cancelled in favour of a newer connection. Or someone made a decision that affected the whole network without consulting anyone else. However it's happened, there's a moment where the shock of what you've just discove

Here's the thing about non-monogamy : you’re gonna talk about a lot of things that most people in relationships never have to think about.  How much time you give to different connections.  Which details get shared between partners and what is kept private.  What happens if someone catches feelings when that wasn’t part of the plan.  These aren't conversations monogamous couples typically have, but when you're non-monogamous navigating them is part of the deal. And yet, even

If you're non-monogamous and thinking about getting some support, there's a decent chance something’s been quietly putting you off. Maybe things aren't bad enough to justify it.  Perhaps you're not sure what kind of help you actually need.  Or you're simply tired of explaining yourself.  You've had the raised eyebrows from people who don't get it, and the thought of sitting down to spend a whole session doing the " okay so I'm not cheating, this is consensual, let me explain

If you've been trying to figure out whether what you want is polyamory or an open relationship, you've probably noticed how much energy goes into getting the label right. Like if you just pick the correct term, everything else will fall into place. The distinction between polyamory and open relationships does  matter, but likely not in the way you think. This post is about understanding the difference - and more importantly, about figuring out what you actually want instead o

Jealousy in non-monogamy carries extra weight.  There's this idea that evolved, secure, properly non-monogamous people don't really struggle with jealousy. They feel compersion instead. They've done the work. And if you're sitting there feeling like your stomach's dropped out, well…maybe you just haven't done enough introspection yet! That narrative is silly. And this post is about unpacking why. What Actually Is Jealousy? Before we go any further, it's worth slowing down on

This guide is for anyone in Birmingham looking for support that meets them where they actually are.

The Conversation You're Avoiding You've been thinking about this for a while now, haven't you? Maybe it started as a passing thought - something you read online, a conversation with a friend, or just a quiet "what if?" that stuck with you.  Non-monogamy.  Opening up your relationship.  Polyamory.  You’re still testing out the words, like trying on a new fit. What makes the most sense? You’re still figuring that out, but what you know for sure is the once passing thought has b

There's a lot of content out there about non-monogamy.  A lot of it is about telling you what non-monogamy is, what the terms mean, and how to get started. Polyamory in particular seems to be gaining more visibility in online spaces. What’s often missing is a tangible sense of how it feels to actually live it. The not-so-glamorous, sometimes confusing "am I doing this wrong?"  version that doesn’t get as much attention. That's what this is about. What does “Non-Monogamy” mean