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If I ask you to imagine what a relationship counselling session looks like, what do you see? I’m pretty confident it’s a room with a couch (sofa, settee, whatever you call it) and two people plonked on it, possibly a bit of a gap between them, facing opposite a clipboard wielding counsellor. And you’d be right. Partly. There is indeed a counsellor. The rest is up for debate. There’s a reason I said relationship counselling and not couples counselling, though the two are often

Severity of the violation matters. I think it's important to start here as this is a very personal judgment that can easily be swayed by friends, family, societal or cultural expectations…the list goes on and on. Arguably, there are some things we can universally agree to be very severe, for example: Deception about major life facts  - like having a secret family Financial betrayals  - such as gambling activity that affects family finances  Endangering sexual health  - engagi

I appreciate I’ve been writing this in linear, sequential order; however, it's likely things won't play out so tidily.  You’ll be trying to understand what’s happened while also deciding if repair is possible and something you actually want to do. It may be that in order to understand what happened, you have to first decide that you want to repair the relationship. In the process of understanding what happened, some things may be uncovered that send you right back to a place

The first step towards repair is clarifying what’s actually taken place. It's already difficult to hit a moving target; more so when no one knows what the target looks like. Rushing to fix things will likely only make said things messier. So. You’ve given yourself a little (or a lot of) time and space. Everything hurts, but perhaps the feelings are just a tiny bit less raw. You’re in a position where you’re wondering what to do next. Let’s start here: was the relationship agr

You’re looking down at your phone, gripped a little tighter in hand than usual. Or, you’re staring blankly at your partner who has just confessed to you. Perhaps, somehow, many floating dots have suddenly connected seemingly out of the blue for you.  However you’re finding out, at first it’s as if the realisation doesn’t quite sink in. You pause to take it in, bit by bit, and once you begin to understand you realise something is hammering against your ribcage. You take a deep

Google this question and it can get a bit confusing. For the purpose of this article, and what I work with, a relationship agreement is a shared understanding between partners about how elements of their relationship work and what they expect from each other. These agreements come in two forms: spoken  and unspoken . A spoken relationship agreement is one where things have been explicitly discussed and decided together. An example of this? Joint accounts. You and your partner

It's 2021. A crisp, late afternoon in the middle of August. We’re having a decent summer. There are people and their pets strolling through the park. And there I am, sitting on the grass in the shade, listening to the ring ring of a suicide helpline. Hold on. Wait. How did I get here? I was about to turn 30 and hadn't achieved anything I was told I was supposed to yet. I'd placed a world of expectation on my own shoulders and had not the foggiest clue how to make any of it a