Stories are powerful. Mine started in a therapy room in 2021, where as a client I thought "huh, this is a cool way to help people". Now, here I am today, working with men, couples & non-monogamy. I've learned a bit about myself along the way, unpicking two specific scripts: monogamy and masculinity.

 

Journey into Non-Monogamy

​

I'm polyamorous. Ethical Non-monogamy dropped onto my radar in 2023 and became a thought I couldn’t let go. Something about it just made sense. I met my first and still current partner one year later.

 

Since then I’ve helped run a monthly discussion group for polyamory in Birmingham, organised in-person speed dating events and got the polycule together for a dash of bowling (which I obviously won).

 

I’ve also made my fair share of mistakes along the way. I’ve tried to rush from the dating phase into a new relationship; I’ve caused upset by not properly communicating my intimacy needs; I’ve let envy sour the quality of time I’ve spent with a partner - because they seemed to develop new connections so easily.

 

Redefining Masculinity

​

I am learning to feel my emotions and communicate in brand new ways. As a man in today's world, that is ever so daunting. I feel like I was handed a script for what masculinity should be, being a black man on top of that, and the pressure to follow it drove me to suicidal thoughts.

 

Fortunately, I am still here today, and my hope is to help other men have those difficult conversations and ultimately define themselves.  Heaven knows there's plenty of cultural influences and societal scripts that want to dictate what you should be.

 

I've been the client; I've felt how daunting talking to stranger seems. I've also felt the difference it makes. So I don’t claim to be perfect, only human. And what does this human get up to besides counselling, you ask?

 

Playing too much speed chess, for starters. I love a good pun and am always on the hunt for the best memes to add to my collection. Oh, and you're a real OG if you pronounce GIF with a 'g' not a 'j'.

​

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.