Severity of the violation matters. I think it's important to start here as this is a very personal judgment that can easily be swayed by friends, family, societal or cultural expectations…the list goes on and on. Arguably, there are some things we can universally agree to be very severe, for example: Deception about major life facts  - like having a secret family Financial betrayals  - such as gambling activity that affects family finances  Endangering sexual health  - engagi

I appreciate I’ve been writing this in linear, sequential order; however, it's likely things won't play out so tidily.  You’ll be trying to understand what’s happened while also deciding if repair is possible and something you actually want to do. It may be that in order to understand what happened, you have to first decide that you want to repair the relationship. In the process of understanding what happened, some things may be uncovered that send you right back to a place